Thursday, 2 April 2015

The Life I Chose

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

By George Bernard Shaw 

Wise words, I agree. In my whole 19 years of life (actually there's a month left till I am), I somehow would say that is not like any other teenagers I have known. I am not exactly the one who sticks around for too long, or maybe I'm just like that. I started sports since I was young, very young, as I have parents who used to play sports half of their lives during their times, except for my father, who still play sports until now. I started to dedicate myself to sports at the age of 9. While all of my friends of the same age would be doing their homework together, having sleepovers or even play together, I was busy with training and tournaments as I do not have time to spare. 

Few years later, I was happy because I somehow achieved some of my life goals, but it made me into an antisocial. The reason why I'm saying this is because, I continued my life as a sportsmen rather than a normal girl, going to a girl school or any normal high school. Instead, I went to a national sports school. My parents and my coach told me that it was me, myself who chose this path. I chose to move on and to focus on sports. During then, my life was nothing but sports, training, and tournaments.

But life wasn't easy to expect at all, I dropped out of the sports school and went to a cluster boarding school, but I only lasted for a year there, and ended my school year at a normal high school (finally!). As I thought being in a normal school, that I could socialize easily, I was definitely wrong! Everyone's first impression to me are such as "Look at her, her size...", "She looks like as if she would kill us all", and even "Does she even talk?" (I know as people told me these once they're comfortable with me). I got used to hearing those words. Cause honestly, to me, moving from one place to another, transferring schools made me realize that not everyone sticks to your side. They either move on and forget you, or thinking that you were just a memory. Eventually, I became cold. Cold as in, I don't get sad losing friends anymore, not being cold and ignored everyone, no! I still do have some friends in the past who still remembers me although I was the one who became forgetful (if any of you reading this, I'm sorry!). Thus, I ended my high school life with experiences that I never thought I would have. 

Months later, I got my examination results and continued my studies in one of the local university here in Malaysia. I took a course that surprised everyone in my surroundings even to those who just knew me then, which is Mass Communication. Most people be like, "But you played sports, so why this course?" and bla bla bla bla bla ~ Yes, I used to play sports as my major before, but that was before, and I suddenly got interested with photography and journalism (which is called as 'photojournalist'), so I heard that Mass Communication has what I wanted to be. Even in just two semesters, I've been through a lot and of course I still have difficulties in communicating and socializing. But somehow, I gained some confidence during presentations and interviews.

In my university life too, that I learned not all friends are trustworthy. I'm in deep apology for saying such words, but it is true. I am very sure those who have been through this stage of life knows best about backstabbers, cons etc. But, that's how life works. Even I, myself are not great enough to be praised for what I do, and I only do a little rather than others who struggled themselves for success. I may partly not have the rights to say all this, but it is MY story. I, myself have offended and hurt many people, and eventually I got sorry for it. Life has brought me to reality, and reality is very painful. Choose your path wisely, but always be ready to handle heartbreaks, fights, and memories, as it will make you remember of who you've become in the future. As for me, in shaa Allah, I'll get through with mine.


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